Monday, October 19, 2009

Message To The Weaklings

People tell me that I only speak my mind because I am near to the end and don't have to worry about consequences. These people don't know me very well. I never held back, even when I had something to lose. Some things are just not right and not standing up is not something I could ever do.

Many years ago, way before Mr. AP, when retirement was as distant to me as Jupiter is to Earth, I stood up to Ms Mustache AP when she told us we had to clean graffiti off of some old computers. I was a department union rep at the time and told her under no circumstances would any teacher use those chemicals. She went in her office, cried and had her husband come in the next day to help her do the dirty work. I also made her cry when I refused to proctor an exam that would have taken me away from a regents class. Making her cry was not my goal but that was what I had to do to succeed and succeed I did.

I had the same personality, even as a child. I remember being in the audience of Bozo the Clown (my friend's pump request reminded me of this.) I so wanted to be the child Bozo picked to taste the Bosco chocolate milk. All the kids claimed to love Bosco and I hated it. I wanted to be the first one to say this on television. Fortunately for them, I did not get picked.

Maybe I am just stupid because I never worry about the events that will follow my actions, not even after the actions are taken. I didn't think about them when I fought the mugger on Fordham Rd as a teenager and I did not think about them as words of anger spewed from my lips during the final battle of the war. I did not think of the dangerous path I might be heading out on when I spurned the conciliatory words of the Major Force. Right or wrong, I did and do what I feel is necessary to do. I don't know what makes me tick this way, I just do what I do, consequences be damned.

So, don't pass me in the hall and tell me you would do the same things I do if you could walk out like I can. We both know that is a lie. Face the truth. You are weak. You will find yourself easier to live with when you acknowledge this.

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