Tuesday, February 05, 2013

New Improved Memo

Dear Colleagues,

I have been told that the tone of some of my previous memos has not been very professional so I will do my best to improve on this one.  You will all be happy to learn that I can convey the same message in a nicer way.  I can improve my grammar, not speak in circles and hopefully you will understand my message better.

Now, it has come to my attention that some of you scumbags have gone behind my back to remove failing students from your classes.  You know this is totally unacceptable. I am the only one who should be removing anyone.  I will choose the teachers I want to have the best statistics and that is the way it will be.  I am the king and never forget that.

Right now, because we need change to make it look like we are trying to help students (you know we aren't doing a damn thing), we have annualized classes.  Only students who are failing certain classes will be moved.  We will move two term students into four term classes.  While many might pass at the end, we can keep our stats up by moving them now.  Sacrificing their education and their chances to take advanced classes is necessary for the good of the department.  Also, those failing  will be moved into pre subject classes.  Too bad if they will now need remedial classes in college.  At least our numbers will be high in June.

Lastly, I would like to thank all of you who not only called parents during school hours, but called them late in the evening, early mornings and tracked them down at work and at home.  You gave up sleep and family time plus all recreation to do this.  We all know that you are the only ones who can get these kids back in class.  Please let me know if you need my help doing this.  Unfortunately, talking to a  parent doesn't even help.  I will leave you with something to look forward to at the next department meeting--a story where this happened.

I look forward to sharing a wonderful term with you and now, that my memos are nice, and in English, people reading them on the Internet will see that I really am the best AP in the city.

Have a wonderful weekend.


ChiTown Girl said...

HA!! Wouldn't it be something if AP actually wrote something like this?!

Pissedoffteacher said...

Impossible! No AP would ever say these things.