I feel like a drama queen. All I do is cry and whine. I know things are bad now but, lots of people live with much worse stuff than what I am going through. I've got to pull it together. I go back to work on Monday and I have got to leave all this stuff behind.
My dad insists on going to the cemetery on Sunday. It's Mother's Day and he has to be with her. He hasn't driven in a month and I don't think this should be his first trip alone. Luckily, my dad is smart and agrees with me. He'll let me drive him there. We convinced him to get back on the road slowly, drive locally at first. This will be our first Mother's Day without her. He is going to bring her red roses, her favorite flower. He wants her to know that he is with her. If there is a heaven, she knows that she is with him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but, if this makes him feel better, I don't mind. I'm going to pick him up at 6:00 in the morning. He's an early person and I would like to beat the morning traffic.
We are not a particularly religous family, but we are all gong to Synagogue to say Kaddish (prayer for the dead) for her. She would like that. Even my anti-religion son will be in Temple in Binghamton. My daughter and her boyfriend are going in Maryland and the rest of us will go together in the Bronx. This is the least we can all do to honor her memory.
4 comments:
You cry and whine--and blog. All are good for the soul. So, in some mysterious way, is going to synagogue or temple, even if you are not, as you say, "a particularly religious family." There are rites and rituals of being human that help us through the hard times. You may feel as though you are just "going through the motions," but your soul knows better. Your soul knows that healing comes to those who do what must be done, even when you don't feel like doing it. Trust your soul. Do what needs to be done.
I hope you and your family find comfort in going to Synagogue this Sunday, and also in going to the cemetary.
You are far from a drama queen. This is rough.
Anti religion? But he does it for her; he does it for you. Family before principle? It means something.
(sorry for my silence, I have been reading, and appreciating the courage it takes to write. But one day I will be in your son's position - that caught my attention. Yisgadal... Family first.)
I am sorry to hear of your loss, and Mother's Day will be hard. My mom passed before Thanksgiving/Christmas and my 50th b-day. The holidays are always very hard without her.
Like you, I have a sister who also makes things worse. She just gives orders and screams at all of us. Every family must have a brother or sister that can't cope.
My dad passed before my mom. My mother was independent before her illness, so it was easier in that respect. I am not sure, but men may be needier.
A day doesn't go by when I wish my mom was here. Her grandchildren feel the same way.
God bless.
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