Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Brother-In Law Update

The days before my mom's surgery, the surgery she never woke up from, she was delirious. She hallucinated. She thought everyone was out to get her. She said mean things to everyone around. This is what my brother-in-law is doing now. He got off the ventilator on Sunday. We thought that was a good sign. The doctors said he would be disoriented for a day or two, but that should pass. It is not passing. Now they are saying he might have brain damage.

My sister was at the hospital non stop during my mom's last conscious hours. She always thought my mom would get better. I knew she wouldn't. Now, as she watches her husband going through the same thing, she has no hope. She fears he will never be well. I try to bolster her, but I am too far away. She is alone, maybe there are a few friends around, but no family.

I used to love my brother-in-law. I'm just angry with him now. He did this to himself. He smoked when he knew his health was at risk. He smoked when he spit up blood. He never had a job that provided health coverage so we don't know if what he has now could have been prevented. I hate him for what he is doing to my sister.

I saw a good friend at work go outside to light up today. I laced into him. I told him that he doesn't really love his wife or he wouldn't be risking his health this way. He wouldn't risk putting her through what my sister is going through. He said he is going to stop, but I have heard him say that too many times before to take him seriously. Smoking is an addiction and a disease. I know he can't help himself, as my brother-in-law could not help himself. I feel so helpless. There is nothing I can do to make her pain go away.


Anonymous said...

Y'll are in my thoughts and prayers. From reports I heard, my grandfather was seeing people long dead a couple of days before he died. Not uncommon. What freaked us out was when he heard bits of a conversation about a friend of my uncles who had been badly injured by a dog who took off running when she was walking it and woke up saying my dad had been killed in a horrible accident. Thankfully THAT was a hallucination/dream.


17 (really 15) more years said...

I'm so sorry to hear this - your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

The smoking thing drives me mad too. My father smoked for years until his stroke. He survived it, only to live the last 11 years of his life in a nursing home. When I met my boyfriend, I told him if he continued to smoke, we had no future. Fortunately, he stopped - but he is very strong-willed. Not everybody can stop, or for that matter, wants to.

I can't even imagine how you are feeling, because I know that if school hadn't just started, you would be there with your sister. Hang in there.