Thanks

The selection posted above is a piece I read Thursday morning, after getting up from Shiva, before the rabbi came over and walked around the block with me.  This is the official ending of the Shiva period, the first time I set foot out of my home. A week is an arbitrary mourning time, but nevertheless, it sets some sort of boundary and is a way to cope with a loss.

 I am not especially religious and neither was my dad, but my mom was.  She would have liked me doing this.  I couldn't do it when she died as my dad was so distraught, caring for him became my only concern. Doing it for him also honored her.

We had a minion in my home every evening.  A minion is a group of at least ten Jews who gather and pray.  It is something my temple does for mourners.  Again, it was something I couldn't do for my mom as we sat in the Bronx so I am happy I was able to do it now.  Most of my friends are day people so it filled my heart with joy when people I barely knew from the congregation stopped by to help in my time of need.  I made a vow to be available to help others, a vow I intend to keep.

Friends and community came together to help me.  Words cannot express how much this meant to me.  I cried when I saw Mr. AP walk into the funeral chapel and hug me.  His words, that we were family in spite of our differences made the world of difference to me.  In spite of anything I have ever written, he showed he has a good heart.  There were others too. others who I won't mention here, others I would have thought forgot me, who showed care and concern by coming to the funeral and Shiva.  I have thanked them personally.

And now it is time to return to life.  I intend to continue saying Kaddish (prayer for dead) the full 11 months  (Parents are good and don't need the full year to get into heaven.)  I have hospital bed and oxygen tanks to return, phone calls to make and an apartment to empty.  Bless my wonderful husband for always being there, for being a son to my dad and helping me through this time.

Friendship

 



An old friend of mine called me to talk about her fringe friends, the ones who she only talks to a couple of times a year and sees even less.  She wants to drop them and worries about how she is going to do this.  (She hates to hurt anyone.)  She says she wants to concentrate her efforts on real friends.

I told her I don't agree.  Maybe it is because I don't have many real friends, but I value everyone who cares enough to keep in contact, even if it is only once in a very long time.  You never know who your real friends are until you have to call on them to do something slightly out of the ordinary.  And, the people you consider real friends often are only there as long as you are useful to them. 

I'm not bitter, just realistic and certain recent events have shown me that some of these "fringe" friends are the real friends, the ones that care the most.  I am happy she has lots of friends and can clean out the ones on the edge.  As for me, I'm glad my spring cleaning never included the people at the borderline.

Sunny Days



The skies might appear gray, but I see only sun.   Spending the morning at breakfast with two good friends instead of worrying about who might blame me when Johnny is caught being 30 seconds late to class is wonderful.  There might be clouds, but I only see a bright day ahead.

Choose Your Friend's Wisely



I never understood why a principal,or any boss for that matter would want to be Facebook friends with someone who worked for them (or why anyone would want to be friends with their boss either) but my daughter set me straight on the former.

When two people are Facebook friends they have access to each others personal data.  The principal or boss can keep a blank page giving no one access to their personal information and at the same time learn who the employee hangs out with, what he does on his free time, and what she is interested in.  Many have gotten in serious trouble because of this page.

As for a teacher friending a principal?  What for?  Brownie points?  The friendship won't get you anywhere.  My advice--DON'T DO IT!

A Great Place To Live

The most wonderful thing about NY is that one day you can be in the hustle and bustle of the city, enjoying museums, theaters and restaurants, go home to sleep in your own bed and wake up the next day and be on a boat to some of  the best beaches in the world.

Thanks J.S. and husband A.S. for giving us a fantastic day on the sea and at Fire Island, which our first visit.

More pictures here, on Facebook.

Happy No One Listened

I didn't want a retirement party.  I was adamant.  I refused to discuss it with anyone.  In case anyone has any doubt about me, I can be quite stubborn. Besides, I figured except for the kids, no one will even miss me when I am gone.

My friends were just as adamant and were determined to give me a celebration.  Last night I thought I was going out to dinner with a few friends.  For once, I had even made the call and all the arrangements.  Imagine my surprise when I got to her house and the people closest to my heart appeared.  It didn't even register immediately that they were there for me.  I just assumed she invited more to dinner.

The speeches my friends made still have tears running down my eyes.  My good friend, J, the one who volunteered her house wrote the following, which I share, not to brag, but to pay tribute to the great friends I made at Packemin HS, people who boost my low self esteem and support me, people I know I will continue my friendship with for many years to come.



Rita

     Before I start Rita, your husband had nothing to do with this party.  He is completely innocent.

You were afraid to have a retirement party because no one would come.  Just the opposite everyone who was asked came. You have so many friends who love you as this turnout shows.

Let’s count your successes in life.

     l) You are married for over 30 years – to the same guy.  In this chaotic world that is a wonderful accomplishment.

     2)  You have two successful children.  I define successful children this way –independent and happy. Both fit these attributes.

        3)  You were wonderful daughter to your mother and are a fantastic help to your elderly father.                                                                                                                                      

         4) You are an unbelievable friend to so many people.  If it wasn’t for you, I would not be working at the college.  It is a job that keeps my mind going and stops me from spending money due to boredom.

          5) You were and are a fantastic teacher, despite what Suit and Mr. AP think..

You often said that you hate children.  When you were asked what you were doing on the following day your reply was “Oh the kids are coming to my house to study for the AP exam.”  I only wish all teachers hate kids that much.

  I’ll never forget one day after the ninth grade regents.  A student walked out of the regents exam, grabbed you, picked you up and said “You made me pass” That says a lot.

     Retirement is only a beginning of a new life.  You love teaching in the college now program and at night at the college.  This will continue. You will have more time to travel, visit your children, nag your husband, and travel.  You will have more time to go to Manhattan   buy fake pocketbooks and just walk around the city that you love so much. Everyone here wishes you a wonderful retirement.

Smart Friends

It seems wasteful whenever I hit delete or backspace to rewrite something I have already written. I I hate throwing my words in the trash.

Last night I related this little quirk to a friend of mine who happens to be an English teacher. She knew just what to say to help me in this situation. "You make corrections in math all the time. You don't consider this wasting. By rewriting, you are just correcting like you do in math."

It's funny, I never thought of writing that way. She made so much sense. I rewrote half the lines of this post many times and I am okay with it.

It's great having smart friends.