My mom's birthday was last week. My sister came in to spend some time with my dad and to give me a break. Of course, the first thing she asked when she told me she was coming in was "can you or hubby pick me up at the airport?" I blew up at her then. Making my life easier did not include runs to the airport to pick her up and bring her back. I told her to find her own way to the Bronx. She's 52 years old and afraid to get in a cab with a guy she doesn't know! When I blew up at her, she agreed to find her own way.
Sister and dad had a good visit. She's finally learned that when she comes to New York to spend time with the parents, she should not run off with her friends. She went to the cemetery with dad last week, which was good for me. I really didn't want to go. Besides, I have been sick for over a week and would have found the trip difficult physically as well as emotionally.
Today, before she left, she called me to tell me how bad my dad was last night. I could only answer "tell me something I don't know." She kept saying, you don't understand and then proceeded again to tell me what was going on. I just said, "Now you know what my life has been like. Every time you called and told me how great he was doing, I tried to tell you this was going on. You didn't want to believe it. You thought I was only trying to get you upset." She could only say, "Now I know. Now I see." It's been the same story with her for years. She never believed me when I told her how sick my mom was. She never bothered to make the trip to New York to see my parents when they were both healthy and could have enjoyed her company.
I can't say any more to her. I know she is consumed with guilt for her past actions. She is not a bad person, just a stupid person. I try to be nice to her, but I am angry and resentful because of her actions all these years. I know my dad is happy to see her, but he doesn't trust her motives.
My dad's birthday is in July. I will be in Alaska for two weeks then. My husband would divorce me if I cancelled the trip. I've told her to come in and spend some time with him while I am gone. Hopefully she will.
1 comment:
My heart goes out to you.
Since my mother-in-law had her stroke and cannot speak or communicate effectively, all of her children have struggled with how to work together to do what's best for her. It has been very tense, very stressful.
Anyway, I am sorry about your mother and understand that remembering her birthday after her passing must be terribly hard for you.
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