Friday, November 16, 2007

Letter of Recommendation

It's recommendation time of the year again. Teaching bright kids is great, except now. They are all applying to good schools and all need multiple recommendations. I put a lot of effort into writing them and sometimes I just get too lazy or overwhelmed to rewrite them for each kid. Thanks to computers, I just bring up an old one and change the name and a few pertinent details. Here is one of my favorites:

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been teaching for twenty five years and have never come across a student like Jane Doe before. That is good because Jane is very scary. Many teachers, younger and less experienced than I have been seen running out of a classroom that they have been in with her. They have been in tears. Some of their screams of terror have left indelible scars on the souls of people that have heard them. One teacher paid the school $5000 to be released of her obligation to work there for the year. Others have just paid the program chairman to take Jane out of their class. Many students have transferred out of the school to get away from her.

Jane does not like to do things the simple way. Se will take an easy example, such as find the sum of 3 and 5 and fill up a 200 page notebook finding the solution. More often than not, her effort produces an incorrect answer. When Jane is informed of her mistake, she becomes violent. Last year she tossed a student out of the window when she pointed out her error. Since she had not bothered to open the window first, the glass shattered everywhere and emergency squads had to be called to aid all the injured. It took a dozen police officers to restrain her and take her away. Unfortunately, the hospital she was taken to could not deal with her either and she was back in school the next day.

Jane has been causing a reign of terror for the entire time she spent at Packemin H.S. We have had enough! Please, take her in to your college. She is definitely unique. She will put your school on the map. She said she would destroy our school building if we did not help her get into the college of her choice. In summation, TAKE HER!!!!!!!!!! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about her. Just remember, once you take her, she is yours to deal with. She comes with a no return policy.

Sincerely yours,

Ms. P. O. Teacher
Mathematics teacher

I always hand this to the kid who asked for it in class and insist they read it before sealing it and mailing it away. Some of their reactions are priceless.


Pissed Off Mom said...

He He if I was a teacher I would probably do the same.

proofoflife said...

Funny, but also so sad. I love the PACKEMIN H.S. sounds like your school!!