Monday, September 16, 2013

I Miss My Dad


My dad is still alive, but he is not the dad I have known.  His health is failing.  He is always tired and sleeps more than he is awake.  And, when he is awake, he is confused about night and day.  He talks about things that make no sense to anyone but him.  He can't read his own mail or pay his bills.  Everything stresses him out.

My dad was strong.  He worked two jobs so my mom could stay home and take care of my sister and me.  Anything we wanted, he managed to get, whether it was hula hoops, text books or cabbage patch dolls. When my mom got sick, he cared for her both physically and emotionally.  She lived a comfortable, happy life because of him.

My dad deteriorates a little more every day.  I don't know what to do.  He has wonderful caregivers 24 hours a day as I believe he needs to be in his own home.  I speak to him two or three times a day and see him several times a week.

He's here and I love him and cherish every minute with him, but I miss the man he was.  I know he misses the man he was too.


ChiTown Girl said...

Holy crap, this post title just gave me a heart attack.

I'm sorry, still, for what you are dealing with right now. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. On some level, I think that might be even more heartbreaking than death, because at least in death, there is some finality. Watching someone you love slowly deteriorate like this must be killing you.

Sending you love, hugs, and prayers.


A. J. Sefton said...

It is good that you can express your feelings. It is also good that you are thinking of the person he should be remembered as, not as he is now.

My thoughts are with you xx

Anonymous said...

Very heartfelt and touching. I too cannot imagine how this must feel. Sending my thoughts and strength to you during this time.

Ms. Tsouris said...

Having taken care of my father in his fading years, I know exactly what you are going through. Our parent dies twice; first the person we knew and loved disappears, followed by the physical deterioration and the inevitable outcome. All we can do is give whatever help, sustenance, and support we can. This must be one of the most difficult times of life for you, being unable to stop the distress and anguish of a deteriorating and still-beloved parent. You have wonderful memories of his hard working and loving nature. Always turn to those memories, they will always be a comfort.

Anonymous said...

It's heartbreaking.

Just keep being the loving and caring daughter. On some level he will always recognize that he is loved.


Ricochet said...

ChiGirl said everything I wanted to. I felt like a crappy friend that I had missed something.

My dad is fading as well. He always loved to travel and now has so many physical limitations.

Hugs and prayers!

CrysHouse said...

This breaks my heart. I so cherish my parents and can't imagine what it's like to watch one go through this type of life change.

While our belief systems are different, I said a prayer for you after reading this and hope you find comfort in your time of need.

saddleshoe said...

All you can do is try to share the moments together, and that is hard to do. Enjoy what there is of the simple pleasures. Shared foods. Music. Sunlight. I wish there was more I could say or do. He's still here and comfortable and he loves you. And you love him. Really that is great, in and of itself.

Pissed Off said...

Thanks for all the kind words.