Saturday, November 16, 2013

Just In Time For The Holidays

Just in time for the holidays, a major toy company announced a brand new video game:


The goal of the game is to graduate as many students as possible.  The quality of education or the caliber of the graduates is inconsequential.  Numbers are all that count.  At the end of the game, the administrator with the best statistics will be given a pat on the bag, receive a bonus check for $10,000 and be Time Magazine's person of the year, complete with picture on the cover.

The player will assume the persona of a 30 something year old  teacher who has taken a few weekend and online courses and is now running a department in a public high school.  The teacher has barely taught any subject and may never have taught the subject he or she is supervising.  The qualifications for this job are  an ability to turn on a computer and type.  Having a heart and a brain is discouraged.  Having a nasty and mean streak is required.  Players can choose avatars with names like Ms. Nasty Pants, Mr. You All Suck, Mrs. I've Got Balls and Dr. I Am Going To Destroy You All.

The player will be given an office, a computer, an I-pad and a pair of sneakers to roam the halls of their schools to search out the teachers who will be most willing to go along with their unscrupulous plans.  The teacher must be willing to forgo any ideals about providing real educations and be willing to falsify credits, complete assignments for their students, supply answers to standardized tests while the tests are being taken and to change answers if necessary during the exam and while it is being graded.  The teacher must also sign a blood oath to never reveal doing this.  They must also squeal on any teacher who insists on doing the old fashion thing called teaching.

Special bonus points are given to players who assume the persona of special education administrators.  The job here will be to take students, some of whom have IQ's of 70 or less and convince the world they have passed regents exams and have earned high school diplomas.  To take this position, you must think and act like the ancient Romans who threw gladiators and others to the lions for sport as this is what will happen to students in your charge.  They will all graduate and go on to a college they have zero chance of succeeding in and will not be prepared for any jobs.

At the end of the game, players who have met and exceeded their school's AYP will get accolades and receive all the prizes mentioned above.  They will then qualify for such jobs as school principal, superintendent, chancellor and presidential cabinet member in charge of education.

There will be a rush for these popular games so put in your order early to be sure you won't be left out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you always tell the truth!