Growing Old

When I was a new teacher I felt I could not make a mistake. I couldn't show any vulnerabilities in front of my students. They would pounce on any weakness they saw and scorn me for any mistakes I made when I taught. Thank goodness I don't feel like that anymore. I am no longer afraid to show them that I have feelings, just like they do. While I don't discuss my personal life, it is okay for them to know if I am upset about something. If they say something to offend me, I let them know. And more important, I am allowed to make mistakes when I teach. Today, for example, as we went over the homework, I realized that there were questions in it that had not been taught yet. I apologized to them and told them that, like them, I am sometimes lazy. Instead of rewriting a homework assignment, I used one from last year when things were taught in a slightly different order. "See what happens when you look for the easy way out!" Years ago, I might have tried to bluff my way through this. I explain typing errors occur when I am watching television and doing school work at the same time and since I multi-tasking is not good for me, they might try doing homework or studying as a solo activity.

I think the best thing I have learned is that it is alright not to know all the answers. I try to impress upon my students that they are smart. Although not as educated they have a potential that is greater than or equal to that of all their teachers, including me. I lead them on their journeys, but it is up to them to complete the trip on their own. Many times, they take what I teach them and run with it. They can find different solutions than I would think of. I'm not afraid to say I have to go home and look at the problem to make sure their answer is mathematically correct, that they didn't find the answer by coincidence. I'm not afraid to say "I don't know but I will find out how and get back to you." I always credit the source that helps me. When I first started teaching Advanced Placement Calculus, I heard that a certain type of problem was probably going to be on the exam. I did every similar problem I could find with the class. Sure enough, there was a similar one on the test. When we went over it the next week, I remember being stumped. A girl, not even a particularly great student ran up to the board and said "Ms. POd, it is exactly like you showed us." She then proceeded to do the problem on the board. I think that might have been my proudest moment in teaching.

I no longer have the energy or the enthusiasm I had for teaching as when I first started, but I still have lots to give to my students. And they, will never stop giving to me.