Thursday, April 04, 2013

Letter To Department

Dear Colleagues,

Welcome back from vacation.  I hope you are all well rested.  There are many things expected of you and I expect you to be ready to handle them all.

First off, make sure your students are buying review books from you.  They know they can download the same exams for free but, we need the money.  Make them feel awful and fearful of failing if they refuse to part with the money.

Secondly, you know those class recommendations that your stupid union leader said you  shouldn't do, but I forced you to do anyway?  (I wasn't worried about doing what I was told not to do because nothing every happens to me when I break a rule or two.)  I submitted these recommendations.  If you have any changes (and you better not, you should know by Sept 10 which students will pass and which will fail) please wait until after finals and regents.  Then, and only then, should you meet with me and I will make a ruling.  I know you work with these kids daily, but in this department I am the supreme ruler.

Third, encourage your students to go to tutoring.  If they squeak by and pass, I might or might not allow you to pass them, but our stats will look better if they pass.

Fourth, keep evaluating your students.  Tell them to put their left foot out for understanding and to wiggle their right foot not understanding.  I know it is easy for you to look out at 34 feet and see which belong to the ones who will pass and which do not.  If you can find a better way, let me know.  Teachers that use my fool proof method have 100% passing.  (Okay, so I removed a few kids who didn't have a chance, but so what?).  If you aren't one of them, you aren't doing a good job and if this keeps up, you may soon have no job.

Fifth, there are some of you that will never have good enough results and will never please me.  I've loaded your classes with kids who have long records of failure.  I don't like you and there is nothing you can do to change this, but keep trying.  I love watching you sweat, making you miserable and I am hoping this well get you to leave soon.

Thank you.  Enjoy your week.

(picture--springtime on Park Ave and 63rd St.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wonderful interpretation!