Forty Year Old Baby

I have become friendly with a 40 year old woman in my night class. Toby is repeating the class. I gave her an absent grade last term because there was no way she would pass the final. This way, she could repeat the course without having to pay for it. I was hoping the second time would be the charm and she could do it. The course is not overly difficult and my exams don't vary much from term to term.

Toby's personal life was a mess last semester. She was constantly moving from one major disaster in her life to the next. This term started out better. She seems happy. We talk after class. She has some medical problems but has a good doctor and seems to have that problem under control. She has a job she likes. She has a guy who makes her happy. So, what is her problem? She is having unprotected sex with him. She says it is okay, since she knows him since high school. I asked her if they were each other's firsts? Of course the answer to that was no. I tried to convince her that she was now having sex with everyone else he had had sex with. After ten minutes, she agreed I was right and told me they would both get tested. We also discussed pregnancy. She felt that since she had never gotten pregnant in the past, she was safe from this too. Smartness comes with age? Not in this case.

Last week Toby told me she wants to have a baby with this guy. Since she has a job with no great future, I told her she better get a ring first. She answered that they weren't ready for marriage. I told her a baby was a bigger responsibility and even if they didn't want a big ceremony, they should at least go to a judge and have a legal ceremony. Toby told me her family was religious and they would never go for that. I then said religious people won't go for the baby before the wedding either. Again, she had to agree I was right.

I've had similar conversations with my high school kids for years. I'm always careful about what I say to them, they are minors and I don't want to get in trouble. I never would have imagined having the same conversation with an adult. I guess the saying "age is only a number" is true. In this case, forty is more like fourteen. I hope things work out for her. She is sweet, but, she needs a reality check. She needs to grow up.

Dark, Bottomless Hole

Women need to take care of themselves. Janice works like a dog. She is a retired tier one teacher who collects a good pension yet works full time in a private school where her pay is not so great and the kids in her classes have many special needs. The school caters to the wealthy and the parents are quite demanding. She must show up for after school functions. Janice is a morning person, yet this job requires her to work into the early evening. After teaching, Janice tutors privately, going from house to house.

So, why does Janice work so hard? No one else in her family strains themselves. Her spouse works at a low paying job, part time, because it fulfills him (he had a better paying job but it was making him ill). Her children go to expensive colleges and use their money for vacations and Prada bags.

It wouldn't be so bad if Janice spent some of her money on herself. She recently wanted to buy a pretty glass sculpture but didn't buy it because hubby didn't like it (he decided he didn't like it before he saw it.) She did break down and buy herself a pair of pajamas that she fell in love with, but lied to hubby about the price.

It wouldn't be so bad if hubby was thrifty. Hubby likes to drink. Not that he is a big drinker, but he doesn't think twice about buying an expensive beverage when he is out. Hubby also likes to gamble. Now, he is a controlled gambler (stops when he reaches his limit), but he loses more than he wins. Hubby is also getting ready to take a trip to Las Vegas while Janice cannot get the money together to visit her elderly father in another state.

Janice is a friend of mine. I know that all of this is true. No matter how hard I try, I can't get Janice to do things for herself. She needs to start taking care of Janice because no one else is going to do it for her. Women, stand up for yourselves and don't fall into the dark, bottomless hole that Janice is in.