Father's Day 2014

Today is my first Father's Day without my dad.  It feels strange not to be making that early morning trip to the Bronx to take him out for his favorite meals.  We only went to the diner near his house and he only ordered a short stack of French toast but he insisted on reading the menu every single time and asking me if they served what he wanted.

It has been 9 months since he died, but my fingers still itch to call every night at 6 and first thing every morning.  I miss the strong, confident man he once was, the father who could and did everything and I also miss the needy, dependent man he became. He was my dad and I loved him so much, as much as he loved me.

There are no words to describe the impact a father (or mother) has on a child.  Most children think of their father as being the best father and I know my dad was one of them.  He was always around when I needed him, from the time I was a little girl until the age I was when he got sick.  I knew he was gone when he stopped telling me to call him when I got home or when he stopped telling me to stay home whenever the weather was bad.

I miss the crazy phone calls consisting of weather reports and what he ate (which was always the same thing.)  I miss preparing his favorite meal-meatballs.  I miss him but I am happy he is spending this Father's day with my mom, the love of his life.  He had no quality of life at the end.  I pray there is quality in death.