Reaffirmation

I ran into an old student at the college today.  At first I did not recognize him.  I knew he looked familiar but when he told me his name I remembered him immediately.  He told me he graduated in 2005 and went on to become a mechanical engineer.  He is now trying to become a PA and is back taking prerequisites for the program.

What got me was how he said it was me who got him into engineering and through the first three terms of calculus in college.  He said he could not have done it without the things he learned in my class.  I am not sure this is true, but it sure felt good to hear it.  Needless to say, he made my day.

When I left the high school I doubted myself as a  teacher.  After all, when someone repeatedly tells you how awful you are, you start to wonder if they are right.  Mr. AP did this to me all the time.  In fact, I heard he is still talking about me (and not in a nice way) at department meetings.  I have no illusions about myself as being G-d's gift to teaching.  I know I had my faults but I also know I worked very hard, put in tons of extra hours and put my students first.  Looking back, I know I made a difference in many of their lives, a difference that is helping them lead good lives now.

It is no secret that I did not get along with my former AP.  At one point he even promised me that I would end up retiring on a very sour note and he did everything possible to insure this would happen.  What he could not take, and will never take is the joy of learning I instilled in my students, the respect I gave them and they gave me in return and the love we had for each other. I was not the teacher he wanted me to be but I was the teacher my students wanted and needed.  I served them well.  Students like the one I met today help me reaffirm my belief that what I did was not only not bad, but that it was pretty good.

(picture-Freedom Tower from St Paul's Church)

Meaningful Evaluation

Last semester I ran into one of my former high school students, a girl from an AP calculus class.  She told me she graduated Queens College with a degree in Human Relations and after nine months working for a firm that was making her miserable she decided to return to school, come to the community college to make up courses she needed to go on to become an occupational therapist.  We planned on getting together but things came up and we never made it, until today.

We sat and chatted for about an hour.  It was great seeing her and hearing about how great she is doing.  The words that rang out for me was when she told me she learned to love math in my class and how she had no idea how she even ended up in an advanced placement math class as her math grades leading up to the class were not very good. I didn't want to tell her that I would bet being the same race as the assistant principal might have had something to do with her being in the class as other students, possibly more qualified were not allowed in, but that is another post, ones addressed on this blog many times.  Anyway, all ended good for this young woman.  She got a 3 on AP exam, enough to get college credit and never having to take math again.

I worked for an AP who, day after day, tried to make me feel like I was the world's worst teacher.In fact, years after I left, he still spent many department meetings talking about what an awful teacher I was.  I'm glad I never bought into his nonsense and left before he had any real power to destroy my career but I know he is doing the same to teachers still in the school and good, caring teachers are leaving in droves before they are actually ready to go.

The real evaluation of what I do and did as a teacher comes from the students who sat in my class daily.  A young woman who graduated in 2010 still remembers how she felt and learned in my class lets me know I really did make a difference.  The students are the ones who know.

If You Get Their Heart...



Along with birthday wishes, a former student sent me an e-mail  stating she is failing trig miserably.  My heart went out to her.  I met Riha my last term at Packemin.  She was in the 3rd term of a 4 term algebra sequence.  The year before her teacher left on a medical leave and the class did not get a regular teacher until the end of the semester.  The kids were passed on based on a ridiculous uniform final, an exam where they all had access to the questions and answers way before they had to take it.  Riha was one of the many who knew nothing entering the class.

Little by little Riha's math skills improved.  In fact, they improved to the point where she was getting 85 or higher on my exams and she got an 83 on the regents.  Her parents were thrilled.  She was studying at home and talking positively about her math class, something she had never done before.  Believe me, this change did not come easily.  First, I had to make sure she  (and others) understood what was going on in class and, at the same time enjoyed what they were doing.  This was no easy feat.  Anyone who has ever taught a class like this knows these classes are full of kids who are behavior problems and who don't want to go to class, to say nothing of their limited math skills.  Then, I spent almost every lunch period sitting on the floor outside the cafeteria (only place to work and, it was a good place to catch kids walking by who needed help) working with her and others.

Riha has a good math teacher now but he is young and inexperienced and hasn't yet learned the best ways to grab kids like this and get them to learn and like what they are learning.  The rigid text book approaches have failed these kids for years.  They won't, on their own go home and study.  The teacher doesn't know that first he has to get to the kid's heart, the brain comes after.

I would like nothing more than to go back to Packemin and help all the Riha's get through trig, or at least learn enough so when they have to retake it in college, they will succeed.  I can't do that.  I can't bring myself to go back into the toxic environment I left behind.  I can't help a man who abused me improve his statistics and get his big bonus.  I feel bad that the damage he did to me is extending to the students left behind but that's life.  I am sure there are other retired teachers like myself who have the time and the desire to keep on helping but are too burnt to return.

Packemin Visit



I paid a visit to Packemin this morning to pick up my unused sick day check. We get so much mail for other people, I dread thinking about how much of mine gets lost so I did not want to trust this good sized check to the postman. (I rarely took days off.)

On my way out of the bulding I met Aaron, a sweetheart and a scholar. It felt good signing his yearbook and talking to him about his future plans. It was great hearing about his sister, Liaa, also a former student, who is doing nicely in college.  Liaa didn't do well in high school math, but she worked hard and learned quite a bit.  Her term in remedial math was easy as it was the second time around.

I also ran into Debbie, one of the kids that tortured me two years ago.  She has really grown up nicely.  She even apologized for the way she behaved in class.  She hugged me and told me that I did a lot for her in school and I really helped build her self esteem.  She even got a 73 on the geometry regents.  Unfortunately she is programmed for a pre trig class next term and won't get to go for her third year math regents.  It is sad when statistics mean more than a child's education.  The worst thing to happen would be Debbie failed the regents.  She would learn much more in a trig class than in the class she is going to be in.

On my way home I stopped at a nearby hardware store.  The present owner is also a former student (37 years young.)  We laughed together about what a dingbat he was in high school and how far he has come.  It is a good thing he graduated years ago because today he probably would not have been allowed to complete the advanced regents sequence.

I'm glad Packemin is a nearby school.  I get to keep running into these awesome former students and see how great they've grown.  The post office might have delivered my check but it could not have delivered the unforgettable experience I had picking it up.

(I even enjoyed seeing the adults I ran into.)

Love This Girl

From Facebook:

forget all this dam useless drama like seriously its just gonna distract me -____- I'm gonna focus passing my regents and ending Junior year stronger than ever its just gonna be me and hardcore studying with my review books !!!!